My Thoughts and Feelings Before A Ten Day Vipassana Retreat


In a day I begin to experience what I have wanted to do for a long time, but frankly, I was scared to do, a ten-day silent Vipassana retreat.  As the retreat approaches, these are the predominant thoughts that are running through my mind.



I am fearful of the upcoming amount of discomfort and pain.  From what I have heard from others and the youtube videos, that I said to myself I was not going to watch, everyone suffers during the first couple of days.  We will be meditating for ten hours a day for ten days straight or 100 hours of meditation in ten days.  That sounds daunting as I say it to myself.  Unless you are bedridden, it is not something that any of us are accustomed to experiencing.  The physical aspect is the greatest fear.  I also fear how much some of my attachments will reveal themselves.  The first attachment will be my phone.  As mindful as I try to be I am addicted to my phone.  If I do not know where my phone is at all times, I get nervous.  Perhaps the discomfort and suffering will be more than my withdrawal from the phone. 



Traveling alongside the fear is excitement.  I am excited not to have to talk to not talk for ten days.  Also, I look forward to accomplishing something that, as I write this, wonder how I am going to get through the discomfort and pain.  I am hoping to gain some insight.  To perhaps discover a little more of who Rich is.  What I wish to discover is that there is no Rich, only the illusion that masquerades as Rich.  I hope to get a glimpse of the no-self concept.  I have flirted with that experience a moment or two over the last five years, but It came and went quickly, and I have been looking forward to it returning. 



As I deal with the fear mixed with excitement I am remaining open to what may occur.  It is such an unusual experience especially in the current world we live in with constant distractions and marketing.  Someone is trying to sell us something continually.  One of the interesting aspects of the retreat is that when you are a new student, you are not allowed to pay anything for the retreat.  You can after the retreat by either donating your time or money so that future participants can attend. 

I am sure my experiences will be vastly different from my expectations, as they usually are. 

Until Next Time,

Rich Decker – Mindful Accord